worthless

i am a worthless, useless sack of hair. i wake up, work out, practically with coffee in hand, then spend the rest of the day successfully sabotaging my productivity. cleaning the kitchen is a feat. i even put off showering till i absolutely have to. i want nothing to do with my trusty friend, the TO DO list.
if you are reading this and i have failed to call you back for days and days, or you're wondering if i'm finally getting to relax after this insane year, well, this is your answer.
we're having an amazing summer thunderstorm right now! i have all the lights off in my apartment, the air cranked up (wonderful) and i'm looking out the windows at the rain and the green trees. i have to teach in 45 minutes and i cannot even imagine getting up from this wonderful spot and doing anything for hours and hours and hours.
it's so hard to feign interest in anyone else for hours at a time. and that's what you do when you teach private voice. you give that person your undivided attention for 30 minutes, for money. you look for new ways to describe the same thing over and over again. you act like it's just technique that's keeping them from singing well, when we all know that it's what you're born with, paired with all the psychological bull that gets in the way. technique merely hones the natural ability.
that's probably not always true, but in most cases, it is. i love my students and i have really talented ones, but i just don't care about them today. i would give anything to not have to teach all summer. to have a 2 or 3 month break would make me such a better teacher the other 9 months out of the year. but it just doesn't work that way, unless i marry a millionaire. and they're terrible kissers.
so i hear.
the thing is ~ lately i have been really wanting to write more. and, simultaneously, i have run out of really profound, witty, interesting things to talk about on my blog. erff.
i want to do something special ~ say something wonderful. something. and i have all sorts of quasi-inventions that i would love to pursue.
there's my lunch business, the PIXYWAGON, that i started last year and will start back up again this fall. very exciting! then there's my PIXYCAKES and PIXYPIES, which i would rather do if i could create healthy ones. just a thought. and my latest ~ i'd love to have a catering business that has healthy, veggie-filled foods. i have all these tricks up my sleeve for making foods really decadent, but healthy too.
then there's the french restaurant gig idea, where i would sing french chansons, accompanied by an accordion.
i'd rather do anything than teach. if any of these pay as much an hour as teaching, then i will eliminate that many hours from my studio, and that would be a wonderful thing.
anyway, just brainstorming. it'll probably all just stay there, but i'd love to have the guts and brawn to make it go further.
hmmm...