oh man, this real weekend off stuff is amazing. i have an actual saturday off, and just woke up this morning to an entire sunday off as well!! magnificent! where do i sign up for one of these every week?

i am lounging on my lovely chaise lounge, drinking delicious coffee, with the air condition blasting and the sun pouring into my living room. man, i love this apartment and i love summer. now this feels like a sabbath to me. i think saturday night or sunday night are good times for church, but i desperately crave alone time on my sunday mornings. i should have my head in the Bible right now, but i really felt like writing instead. wish i could write something interesting, but i think it'll just be psycho babble today.

after my last blog entry, "worthless", i had a series of "coincidences" happen to me. don't you love it when you throw something out into the universe and God hears it and places people or things in your life that affirm that thought? happens to me all the time. really cool.

first of all, i had a pretty exhausting night of teaching right after i wrote that blog, and the feelings of used and weary crept in at about the 8th student of the night. i muscled through all 10 or 11 (lost track) and said all the things i would normally say with heart, except my heart was gone. then my wonderful bf called and told me to join him on the plaza with our beloved mutual friend david. i love having mutual friends. a real first. anyway, it was obvious to them when i showed up that i was a deflated balloon with hopeless written across my forehead. so david said to me, "it's time for you to spread your wings. and you know exactly what i mean." honestly, i looked at him and thought, "does he mean start the catering biz or start writing?" i had no idea that he meant to get out there again and start singing. he told me i should sing for his agent and i wouldn't mind, actually. his agent sounds awesome and perfect fit for me. but i couldn't help but take his advice in a different way than he meant. it's time for me to spread my wings. be the best person i can be. don't hold back. take risks. don't keep an idea under your wing and just hold it there like a scare little bird.

the negative thoughts, aka the devil, always start with this disclaimer: i'm constantly wondering if i'm trying to reinvent myself, or is it just silly me voicing my little creative ideas. i've always been this way, so it's kind of hard for me to take myself seriously.

and then my friend sharon reminds me of THE ARTIST'S WAY. this book can seriously set you straight if you're an artist. it's the artist's Bible, i dare say. it puts you on the straight and narrow path and helps you eliminate all the voices in your head that are keeping you from being your best, most creative self. the main tool it uses is the Morning Pages, which is something i've been doing more often this year than ever before. and it sounds like sharon has too.

okay, i've rambled enough. it's 11:00. time to be a real human. thanks, whoever you are out there, for listening to me and reading this. i don't know why the blog is so powerful, but i feel like telling someone out there my deepest desires and fears helps me move forward and do something about it all.