you know your weekends are too busy when you look forward to monday. and here it is and it's wonderful. so quiet, serene, and lonely. just me and my coffee, my blog and my bathrobe.
i love to perform. it is definitely my vocation, or calling. but this weekend took me down, and last weekend was even more packed. i keep trying to tell myself that this extra money will really pay off in the summer, when i'm sitting around with my finger up my nose. and i am trying to live in the moment and really do love the music i am working on. but everything that's crammed in and around it can go take a flying leap.
this weekend was a personal worst for me. i ran around like a chicken with her cut off, and then, when it came to the performance, i was a pig! with mozart, no less! i missed a note, big time, which sounds really obvious when it's mozart. oh well, i made sure i was darn musical for the rest of the concert and got the heck outa there as soon as i could. i hope the reviewer, who was seated on the front row, will be kind to me...
i know people have busier lives than mine, but i have certainly taken on more than i can handle, and it has put in jeopardy my ability to be a good, thoughtful, loving person.
THIS IS ALL THAT MATTERS IN THE END. my father died with an absolute legacy. what was it? he was such a great, nice, good, thoughtful, caring man. that's it. that's all. okay, so he was also crafty, handy, a genius under the hood, very musically talented, smart, fun to be around, and had the greatest smile. he was tight with money, and therefore left us with no financial issues.
but in the end, he was a great man. that's all anyone ever wants to say about him. i want to be a great woman. great singer? sure. but i want people to talk about what a great person i was FIRST.
here is what i've learned this weekend:
if your life is so busy that you cannot be there for people, than your life is too busy.
if your life is so busy that you cannot drive the speed limit, than your life is too busy.
if you cannot go more than an hour without checking e-mail, voicemail or text, than your life is too busy. unplug. turn it off.
(i did that on sunday night and missed several calls and texts. are those people still alive this morning? one can only hope.)
the best thing i did all weekend was make healing and loving meals for my boyfriend, who had an even WORSE weekend than i. my new invention, a creamy dill salad dressing, trumped my bad mozart performance with one hand tied behind its back. and the "let's forget about this horrible weekend" peanut butter/chocolate cookies, erased and reset all negative emotions. and they didn't even have flour in them!!!
i have to rethink next year, because i never want to feel like this again. spent. weary.
mistakes are only stupid if they're made over and over.
2 comments:
I love it when you talk about Dad. He was a wonderful man and left us with so much to mull over and be thankful for. He was so proud of you and Beth and would be amazed at how much we all refer to his wisdom. Thanks for writing about him and trying to pattern your life, in some way, after him.
This was so nice to read right now. Because yes, as we get older it is NOT just about us. We do love what we do but it is NOT ALL THAT WE ARE.
It was nice to hear about your dad too. I miss my dad and he's been gone for 2 years now.
Here's to a well balanced life. ;0)
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