Everyday in my inbox, I receive a devotion. There's a quote from someone, like Jesus or Ghandi or even Bob Hope. And then there is a meditation, or mantra, followed by a prayer. I haven't read it in a while, but here is today's quote:

"Walk in peace. Be undisturbed and unperturbed: all is in God's plan.
Never doubt this. Bring God into your life, and you will see miracles."
~White Eagle

Okay, White Eagle, thanks for the tip. But here's the problem: God is definitely in my life, and I have seen amazing miracles. I also do not doubt God's plan for my life and this helps me make sense of all the stuff that doesn't make sense. Like that sentence, which might not make sense to anyone but me.

But walk in peace, by way of being undisturbed and unperturbed? Oh man. Tall order. I have had moments of miraculous peace, and in the midst of very stormy times. In fact, the only times I have felt deep peace, I'll admit, WAS when I needed it the most. I mean, what kind of peace are we talking about here? What does it look like to walk in peace? Heck, I don't even walk that much, let alone feel peace. I run. From one thing to the next. And when I'm not running, I'm lurching forward in a jittery-type dance, hyper and over-caffeinated. Or, I'm dead asleep, mouth open, slobber on pillow.

I mean, are some people's personalities just not meant to exude peace? Would anyone describe me as a peaceful person? I have a great friend who is an avid knitter, quiet, meditative. Not me so much. I love being around that friend. Does that count?

When I think of what peaceful my look like on me, I envision a summer day, and I am wearing a cream-colored sundress, my hair in a scarf. I am driving a convertible that is, of course, paid off. I have a tan, but no sunspots. I have no watch on because I don't need to know the time. I have just come from lunch with my girlfriends and am headed to the spa to have numerous relaxing treatments performed on me. I have a perfect body and a full bank account.

Now, I KNOW White Eagle wasn't talking about that kind of peace. His peace means being unperturbed, unaffected, unchanged by anything and everything. And I experience that on an hourly basis! The blood rises to my head when I can't find my keys and I'm late getting out the door. My hair won't do what I want it to do and I want to throw the brush across the room. I wake up dreading the day (well, not anymore ~ I gave up dread for Lent) and why would I dread my day? Am I having surgery? Will there be an earthquake? What am I dreading!!!?

It's just a constant habitual emotion that comes from imbalance and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm going to look forward to the day and pretend I have peace and balance, even in my grey hoody, sweatpants and bandana on my head, and maybe it'll come my way. It doesn't have to LOOK like Meg Ryan at the end of You've Got Mail. It just has to FEEL like peace. And I think I don't have to be serene and sitting in a corner, contemplating butterflies either. I think I can be hyper and crazy and energetic and, well, me. Just drop the dreading, perturbed, annoyed thing.

Instead of dreading and being frustrated until peace comes my way, I think I'll invite peace into my life, by fooling it into thinking it would want to knock on this door today. Sneaky. Very sneaky...