woke up this morning to the wind howling outside my window. it sent a shiver down my spine and even though october was rainy, we had such gorgeous and vibrant leaves on the trees. i looked out my window this morning and the red leaves on the tree that made my porch so beautiful are GONE, leaving a sad little "charlie brown" tree.

within one night of blowing wind.

how quickly things change.

well, i'm sure those leaves were falling one leaf at a time, over the last few weeks. i know they were because i walked through them on my way to the gym, enjoying the crunch underneath my feet. but it didn't occur to me that the fun i was having walking through those leaves, would eventually mean no leaves on the tree. DUH!

obviously, there's some symbolism going on here. to be honest, i think i've been spending the last few years in utter shock that i am where i am in life: how old i am, who i am, what i am. it's like i can't grab hold of reality. i never thought i would be this person. and i can't really describe to you, intelligently, what parts are so baffling to me, but i'm definitely baffled. anyone else feel this way?

my friend calls it the "princess crisis". hmm. well, i never thought i was going to be a princess, that's for sure. and there are some things i knew i wanted to be that i am. i always wanted to remain close to God. check. i always wanted to be a singer of any and every type of music. check. i wanted to be inspiring to others. well, ask my students. i think i'm inspiring sometimes. maybe?

but a lot of stuff didn't happen the way i planned. i did think i would be married by now. and probably have a couple kids, a house, a dog i can't stand the smell of, more money than this, etc. you know, a normal life. but what was i thinking? i've never been normal! my boyfriend says that he wants an abnormal life. and whether i wanted it or not, i have one, that's for sure. i'm single at 36, no kids (lost the interest a long time ago), still live in an apartment, i don't have a real job but i work all the time, i'm a professional singer in a small city in the midwest. that's a little different than the dreams of paris opera i had when i was 25. i have a 24-year old boyfriend who is a choral conductor. HUH? that is definitely not what i expected!!! i work when everyone else is watching their evening tv shows and am off when everyone else is at the office. take this morning ~ i'm still in my jammies, drinking coffee and blogging. it's noon on a friday. this is definitely abnormal.

i think when God gives you the gift of an abnormal life, no matter how unexpected it is to you, you have to do something with that gift. to whom much is given, much is required, right? well, i'm either going to do something impressive, like write a book or start a dessert biz. or i'm going to do something really great. i'm going to enjoy every minute of it.