the little things

why is it the little things that make us instantly happy? or instantly crazy?

i spot cleaned my carpets last night and felt like a new person. my cold even went away temporarily. hmmm? then i put up my curtains in my bedroom ~ something i'd been meaning to do since i moved in. can't stop looking at them. they softened and warmed up the whole room. it's as if i found a cure for cancer or something.

and that same ability to feel renewed by such simple things can work in the opposite fashion. my mom and i were on the phone this morning, and we both decided to look at my ex-husband's website for a little morning entertainment. laughing at each stupid picture of him, until we got to pictures of he and his girlfriend. i don't care that he has a girlfriend (i hear she's going to be his baby mama too), but what instantly brought me from my curtain heaven was that it's the same girl he was knoodling with when he left me.

so, why would that even matter to me? why does any of it matter? and why would i want to see his nasty website? my wise friend becky called me pandora, which is making me laugh as i write this. so true!! we are all pandora from time to time, aren't we?

at first, all i could think was, "stupid, stupid, stupid!" how could i subject myself to feeling anything but wonderful, when my life is SO wonderful without said ex-crazymaker. but then again, do we inadvertently open pandora's box so that we will appreciate what we have now? sometimes it's opened for us and we are forced to stare down into that dark, sinister hole. as our eyes adjust, we start pushing through all the demons and dragons we placed in there from our past. we get to the bottom of the box, and past all the pain, we find a mirror. a reflection of our beautiful lives at the present.

suddenly, my tiny, cramped apartment with the adorable curtains is a sanctuary. a symbol of peace, independence, freedom, regaining of my true self.

maybe i've been too personal and inappropriate in this blog. i don't care. i'm so happy to be a human being and to be alive, with deep feelings of joy and pain. and all triggered by such little things.