october

tomorrow, my favorite month of the year will begin.  i will be in an exceedingly happy mood for 31 whole days.  i will take on the personality of a real outdoorsman, walking in parks, kicking leaves, humming jazz tunes.  i will perfect my chili recipe and my house will smell like candles and apple crisp.  

i will breathe more deeply in october.  i will stop and smell the leaves burning (roses have nothing on that smell).  i will wear bulky grey sweaters that banish all previous summer breakdowns while trying to squeeze into sleeveless sundresses.    

i will pretend to like football.

i will brave halloween, which has always scared the crap out of me.

i will brave my 36th birthday, which is scaring me more than all the halloweens combined.

and, most importantly, i think i'll forget about my troubles for a whole month.  i have next-to-nothing that "should" trouble me.  and yet, most days, i find myself forming a grand canyon-sized crease right between my eyes.  

see, that's the thing; we worry, which does nothing but create wrinkles and grey hair and makes us eat processed foods.  the outcome ~ we look in the mirror and life goes, "now i'll give you something to worry about.  look at you!"  

but what worries me the most is how quickly we move from worry to worry.  when i wrote my last blog entry, i was at my wits' end.  i felt like i couldn't teach another lesson.  but i did and i had a blast doing it.  my money situation has been, and continues to be, dismal.  but i've sort of gotten used to it and now i don't have a psychotic break when my bank account has $6 in it.  in fact, i think, "great, i'm in the plus."  

when i look back on september and how i handled some real life challenges, physically, mentally, spiritually?  honestly, i'd give myself a C-.  and since i'm at midterm, there's still time for me to bring that grade up to an A+.

starting with lovely OCTOBER!!!!