was hab ich gedacht?

translation: what was i thinking? in my last blog, i wrote something about the "final hurdle". i remember when i wrote it, that i stopped and thought, "no dude, there's more to come after this. you're stupid if you think you're already at the final hurdle. especially since we're only at the final hurdle when we're in a pine box six feet under the ground.
contentment is to be SO enjoyed while supplies last. right? those amish people interviewed on oprah who said they were content? that's because their day-to-day lives don't change all that much. they set it up that way and i respect them for that. that's the only way to remain content.
when your life is constantly changing like mine, like most people, you have to savor those moments of contentment God gives you. cuz they be fleetin'!
i've already moved on to another chapter that is an even steeper climb than before. and i'm totally whining about it. i'm totally depressed and uncomfortable with myself. that attitude is normal, but as the great seth ward has so brilliantly written (and now everyone is saying it), that's BARBECUED HORSE-PATOOKEY!
God is merely molding me, shaping me, helping me to be better than this. He has much bigger plans for me than what i am today. or what i was yesterday, when i was sooo content.
does anyone out there have personal struggles that you're embarrassed about? struggles that sound so menial and easy to fix?
it seems like everyone else in the world has figured out how to work out every day and not even think about it. it's become routine. i am and have always been bad at routine. my life doesn't allow for it (although that's getting better) and my artist brain doesn't let me. or so i think. but routine is what makes me successful. i know that from past experience.
so my prayer this week is not to be content, but to be consistent.
you could open my journal entry to any day, any year, and this would be written somewhere on that entry. "why can't i figure out how to work out, practice, pray, etc. ~ every day?"
if i've struggled with this my whole life, is there any hope for me? what am i doing wrong? i'm stuck...